DO THE THING

A Big Sis anectode on why you should slide in their DM's. You may just meet the love of your life, who knows.

SLIDE IN HIS(her/their) DM's GIRL...

Gone are the days of women in poofy polka dot skirts waiting for a man to choose them, unless you count the mental and emotional traumatic mockumentary, love island but we won't bring up that social experiment. This idea that one person needs to take ALL the initiative in the very beginning, often leads to missed opportunities and you wondering, “do they think of me as often as I think of them?” If you never made a move, sadly, they probably don’t think about you at all…

Here’s what im saying… If you follow me on social media, you already KNOW I slid in my guy’s DMs. I was the initiator of conversation and I asked Him out on the first date. Did that work for me? Well here’s how that went down…

A few years ago, I was working for this company where I produced and directed women's loungewear. Don’t ask me about the experience cause im still triggered 😭 - Anyway, at the time, I was told about a photoshoot for a fitness model about an hour before the actual shoot. Plenty of time for prep. When I finally made it to set, it was the first in studio shoot I had done with this specific team at the time, so immediately I was people watching HARD. You know when you go somewhere and try to observe behaviors and mannerisms to see what people are about? That was me. One of the first people I noticed was the photographer.. He and I were working more collaboratively than anyone else on set, as we both had to direct the model and figure out wtf we were doing- an hour notice OKAYYY.

I kept finding myself looking in his direction, and then looking down out of pure nerves and anxiety. I was nervous since it was our first shoot together, but also, He was TALL, BROWN, HANDSOME, AND GOOD AT HIS JOB. Let’s call him, Pistolero.

Did I build up the courage to speak to Pistolero that day? Of course not, we were technically colleagues just in different departments. I had to keep it profesh.. BUT, the model DID really like our work and wanted to exchange Instagram handles so we all did. Hence, I got his IG 🤭

For MONTHS, we would randomly find ourselves bumping into each other at the coffee station or maybe we both needed to grab samples from the sample room. Either way, his presence was KNOWN, as much as I tried to be on my best behavior. At one point, it almost felt intentional. We both started going to the coffee station at the same time every morning everyday, just for a simple “hey, how’s it going.” Those mini yet daily interactions with my Pistolero, very quickly became the highlight of my day, everyday.

Eventually our departments were no longer collaborating on anything - that is some tea for another day cause girl I cant relive that 😭 - so we were no longer working together in that capacity. That made me feel a bit better about following him on Instagram.

One night in early May i’m sitting at home scrolling when I came across this post for a Cinco De Mayo lowrider show. It was in the area and I figured, what the hell. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna DM him. So I sent him the car show invite and asked if he’d be down to go? Yea I literally asked him like that. It would take way too long to scroll and see exactly what I said, but I kept it casual and briefly asked if he’d be down to go with me. To which he responded… seen. I was left on read.

My pride took the L and I swallowed it whole, thinking “dang I really thought we were flirting this whole time. Was it all in my head? Am I really that delulu?” I accepted defeat and kept going to work. For a few days the eye contact had stopped. Pistolero wasn’t avoiding me but he also wasn’t flirty eyeing me like he was either. But, none the less, we’re adults so I kept it pushing.

About 2 weeks later, my pride had settled. I had convinced myself that it was time to get back up on the horse. There was only one problem… I didn’t want another horse.. Not calling him a horse but you get me. So I tried again. I downed a shot of tequila and convinced myself that I needed to try again. I pulled out my phone, opened up my DM’s, clicked his name and started typing..

“Hey do you know of any good farmer’s markets in the area? I’m looking to go to one this weekend with my dog” - RIP Luther(my dog) I miss him everyday…

to which he responded “Hey, where do you live?” to gauge a sense of my area. I told him my general area and when I did, he started blushing (this is not canon to the story but I like to think he was). The more we broke down our geographical barriers, the sooner he realized that not only do we live nearby, WE’RE NEIGHBORS. Not directly across the street but basically a block away. Walking distance for sure.

I think when he realized I was his neighbor, the possible idea that this was “meant to be” popped in his head, because it definitely popped in mine. All in all he offered to come with me to the farmer’s market, and being neighbors meant that carpooling was a no-brainer. He came over, we packed up my dog(RIP Young Luth) and headed off for fresh produce while he played his favorite NAS songs.

At the farmer’s market, we walked around just enjoying each other’s company, when Pistolero grabbed my produce bag and my dog’s leash (RIP Lutherano) and stuck out his arm for ME to grab. We started walking around the market like a little family and I had never felt so safe. The way it all worked out felt so surreal, I really wanted to call up Lifetime about a biopic. Here I was, picking out fresh tomatoes and pepino on a Sunday morning with my dog and this handsome mans holding onto me. No friggen way, dude.

After the farmer’s market, we had lunch at a chicken place nearby where we really got to actually talk for the first time in a real way that wasn’t work. We talked about our hobbies, interest, things we like, dislike, and of course I asked why he ghosted me about the lowrider invite - You really think I let that go?! It was one of the best first date’s I’ve ever been on. It was easy to be myself and it didn’t take crazy effort. We were just being. We were being so much, that when we got back to my place I asked if he wanted to hang out for awhile. We awkwardly sat on my used and abused facebook marketplace couch, (which was sinking terribly in the middle so no matter how hard you try, you end up leaning into the person next to you) and yes, you guessed it. We began awkwardly sinking into each other 😭.

At this point I was too far to turn back. Pot committed, if you will. So I slowly and 10000000% awkwardly rested my head against his shoulder in a pathetic effort to try and cuddle. I say pathetic because with the amount of couch sink we were both experiencing, my face was not at the same height as his shoulder so instead of an effortless attempt to flirt, it looked like I had crooked neck. But I still did it. To my surprise, it worked..

Pistolero reciprocated my shotty attempt at intimacy, and called it with an extended arm pull-in cuddle. You know, where they extend their arm and gently pull you way closer to them. My insides were screaming. It became impossible to control the butterflies so at one point I gave in and actually held him back. That night was our FIRST CUDDLE and I’ll never forget it. He stayed the night some years later, never left. We did get a new couch thank god, but emphasis on the We. Since then we have made a ton of new memories, seen each other other through the highs and lows of life, family, loss, joy and every other emotional you can think of. I won’t bore you with the rest of it, but know this… if I never would have reached out to him, TWICE, I wouldn’t be with my person. When it happens like this, I can’t help but get that “soulmate” feeling as lovey dovey as that sounds. I met someone in my field who was driven, came from a great family, and understood the pressures of what we did and what we love. But more than that, HE saw me and I saw him. On some avatar sh** yes. I would look at him and just KNOW. Still do. I saw his joy, I saw his anger, I saw his pain, while he saw my hurt, he saw my insecurities, and he saw my heart.

There it is ladies and gentlemen. To initiate the first attempt at conversation, whether DM’s, in person or carrier pigeon, is to be confident, empowered and in open to the possibility that this could be IT. It also couldn’t - to deny that is to be naive and we are not naive. But the world is full of so much more possibility and fulfillment if your perspective is open. To know that your efforts will yield success is to try more things with confidence that are not limited to a direct message. And the confidence you feel when you found the love you never knew existed, helps you see the world in a lens that’s a bit brighter than before.

Do the thing you’ve been scared to do. Slide in that DM, send that email, apply for that job, Quit that job, whatever chance of happiness you’ve been blocking from yourself, DO THE THING. No one ever regrets it, but they definitely always regret never doing it.

Kloveyoubyeeeee

Big Sis Julia.