08. You Don't Need a Reason to Celebrate Yourself
It's time to embrace yourself, fully.
This year has been ALOT.
Seriously, what is there to celebrate? I could be super optimistic and say everything will be GREAT, but i’m a Capricorn. That sense of illuminating positivity isn’t even in my vernacular. This may be more of a venting issue than anything else, but I would imagine many of you feel the same frustration. Because really, what is there to celebrate right now?
The world is in such a weird place, and most of everyone around is more divided than ever. Not only from a belief standpoint, but the generational gap between us, our grandparents, and our parents, grows more and more each day. People change and it almost feels like the more you grow up, the further apart you pull away from people. I think that’s what I miss the most; being so blissfully unaware of the world and people at their core. I guess you could say that the Holidays and I are at an impasse, a rut, a standstill if you will. But fret not, I’m not just a negative nancy with this dark cloud hanging over my every word. So let me tell you what I will be celebrating this year; Myself. Welcome back to The Cafecito Weekly.
You don’t need a holiday to appreciate how far you’ve come
When I was younger, there wasn’t anything that I wouldn’t try. I was the “boy” my family never really prepared for. I hated dresses, loved to climb trees, and often put myself in some sort of “danger”: because realistically, what child didn’t? As I got older, that transformed into somewhat of a lack of fear. Im not talking dark spaces or evil clowns cause those are still scary as shit. But I became less afraid; of failure, of love, less afraid of death or of certain consequences. With that came this sense of independence; independence from my family, from my friends. I was okay with being along from a very young age, which seeped into my adult life.
With the holidays slowly creeping in, most of us will have to sit at dining tables and answer invasive questions from our families about “why you’re not married yet”, “when are you going to buy a house?, or questioning your passions and work. And then you hand out gifts that 9/10 times people don’t even like or appreciate. Once the festivities are all said and done, you go home with your leftovers and tell yourself that this year is YOUR YEAR; that when you wake up on January 1st, everything will be different. Im doing things a little differently this year, at least, my brain will.
I can see how much I have grown from the beginning of the year to now. I can feel the strength that I have built over the course of the year and how i’m mentally lighter, clearer, and more free than I have ever been. The amount of gratitude I feel for being able to do what I do and have developed and nurtured the talent I possess to build whatever kind of life I want for myself, is overwhelming. The pride and love in myself is so high, taller than any Christmas tree, and fuller than any gift. Why wait until January 1st to build whatever life I want to live? So this is my, channeling that little girl who was relentlessly climbing the tallest tree she could find in her beat up doc marten boots, who was never afraid of anything.
Reset your Space 🪐
You can’t celebrate yourself if you don’t feel free in your own space. They always say the your space is a reflection of your brain; if its messy, your thoughts are probably messy. If it’s ridiculously organized and perfected, that’s probably how you tackle everyday situations outside your home.
My brain operates in phases when it comes to compartmentalization and creative structure. I have always been disciplined, yet internally chaotic as if it takes more than 50% of my brain power to be externally refined and collected while internally screaming at the top of my lungs, but that doesn’t mean I love her any less. She has evolved so much over time and I am so thankful for her plump and juicy brain matter, for how much it has absorbed and learned without me even having to ask. Whenever I need a good brain chemistry reset, a deep clean of the house is usually where I start (home or brain, whatever needs that declutter first).
Deep cleaning the house gives me the opportunity to rearrange, get rid of, replace whatever’s needed, as a way to clean the slate and start fresh. A fresh room for you to walk into and actually breath. We all know that sense of peace you get after you clean the entire crib and light that candle at the end of the night, without a single item out of place. That is where we need to be. Subconsciously, it gives us that sense of control that we feel we are losing on the outside, which helps us slow down and regulate our emotions. That mess that’s in front of you, that is the old you. Let her rest, she’s turning into a butterfly.
It’s the Little Things
Whatever you choose to celebrate, bring it into your home as much as you can. Allow your happiness to flood every room until there is no space for anything else. I got myself a little fake pre-lit tree a few years ago and while she doesn’t smell of fresh pine in the morning, watching those Christmas lights flicker at night brings me so much comfort. It’s not even about the holiday, its about acknowledging that certain aspects about it make me happy, fuzzy even.
Even if its not a Christmas tree or decorations, redo your space to make it match the current chapter of your mental load. With a blank slate and a clean environment, it’s time to get creative. Whether we like it or not, the act of shopping for things and putting something together is a huge dopamine rush. Our brains look at all the new things we get, and it feels like a reward. That’s what “retail therapy” is. BUT, we’re still trying to get out groove back so Dollar Tree Decorations will have to do. And honestly, their decorations are so cute, you can do so many arts and crafts with them that can double as your holiday decor.
If you don’t come home and instantly feel free of the world, free from judgement and a false sense of public persona upkeep, your space is where your mind should relax and be free. Living in itself and its own thoughts without fear of how you will handle them. We don’t give ourselves enough credit but the mind can do amazing things if you give it the proper environment to thrive. The you slowly thrive along with it.
Traditions are Meant to Evolve. Create Your Own.
Everybody loves to lean on the past when it comes to any significant dates or “historical milestones.” For the longest time, we have had (for the most part) one general idea of what Christmas is and how we should celebrate it. But what many fail to account for, is that people change. The generational gap between Boomers, Gen X, Millenials, Gen Z, Alpha Beta Sigma Phi, and whatever the eff comes next, none of us are on the same page.
Boomers want their traditional Christmases that they had in 1972, our parents basically wanting that same thing but won’t ever actually say it, and us, the Millenials who are well aware that even the idea of family is different now. Celebrating holidays the same way they did a million years ago, just doesn’t make any sense. For that reason, start your own traditions this year. If that means you go to Tahiti instead of Christmas dinner at grandma’s, well you better pack a thong for the yacht!
We are finally the adults that younger us always wanted in our lives. It’s time we paved our own way and lay the foundation for whoever we bring into this world next. Making decisions for yourself and the happiness and peace that you choose, paves the way for the rest of your life. Traditions don’t just pop up out of thin air. They carry on because someone decided to do it, for someone else. Never for themselves. It has always been for family or for friends, for calendar holidays or cultural gatherings. Traditions are never for people, its for the things they are celebrating. SO WHY NOT CELEBRATE YOU? What would a tradition celebrating your life and your goals and your accomplishments, look like? I get it, you’re probably wondering how that even relates to Christmas or any holiday for that matter? Why would we make it about ourselves?
For the entire year, we work and we grind and we keep our heads down to build the life that we know e deserve, but there’s no one holding our hands as we do it. I spent the majority of my life going to holidays with people who I barely got along with. I never felt welcome, I never felt whole. It was an obligation; someone else’s tradition that brought me these overwhelming feelings of loneliness, like I didn’t belong. It’s because I wasn’t doing it for me, so what was there to celebrate? Now as an adult, its my choice. It’s my life and its my Christmas tree sitting in my living room. So i’ll start my own traditions that celebrate the life I have built and the love I have instilled in myself that led me here.
Donate Your Time
One thing I never really did when I was younger, was look into volunteering. I did it when I had to for school or if I was asked, but never because my heart said I should. Nowadays, it feels like I can’t make a single decision without my heart screaming at me. I want to help everyone, and knowing that I can’t makes me cry. So, this year I will be donating my time, clothes, food, and whatever else I can, because I am okay and there are so many who are not. I have a home and there are so many who don’t. This year, I would rather be serving food at a soup kitchen or donating anything I can to the women’s shelter, even volunteering at the dog shelter cause pups need love too. See, thinking about dogs in the shelter on Christmas, Im about to cry right now.
I recently applied to volunteer at my local animal shelter. As a Creative Director/Photographer, seeing the photos of all the dogs waiting to be adopted on their website, broke my heart. In hopes that they will say yes, my goal is to give them updated photos of each dog, but with my own flare and style, in hopes that the can get adopted sooner rather than later. I have mostly everything I could ever need, and if I need something else, I don’t need it to be Christmas to get it. So if I can help give some of that back to those who need it, I will.
Go on Solo or Friend Dates & Plenty of them
I will preach solo dates until I am blue in the face, but being able to sit alone at a restaurant or bar and enjoy your own company is a different type of growth. This time of year can keep us a bit on edge; we want someone to take us apple picking and tree cutting and the ice skating and all the cutesy surprise winter festivities. Here I say, DO THEM YOURSELF.
Add blocks to your calendar and stick to them. Take yourself to a cutesy little lunch and maybe go make some ornaments after or decorate the tree or go get hot chocolate and look at Christmas lights. In all transparency, the holidays and I have never really seen eye to eye. Mainly because with each year that passed, the distance between me and my family somewhat grew just as much. We saw each other less and less, fought even more. Sometimes, the people you love the most can be the hardest to be around.
For your own sanity, confidence and self-growth, you enjoying your own company, investing more time in your own personal relationships, helps keep that cup full so you will eventually feel the need to celebrate. Whether its you or your time with friends/people you care about, the more you do things that you love, the easier it is to love everything else around you.
DRESS FCKN CUTE no matter the occasion - but do it for YOU
DRESS FCKN CUTE. You’ve heard me say a million times before, look good, feel good, play good. Regardless of what you have on the calendar or lack thereof, wear that cute outfit, watch a makeup tutorial on youtube for a foxy cat-eye look with extra glitter, blowout your hair and SHOW UP. When you come out to slay and you KNOW you’re slaying, that becomes the new mindset because you know WHO you’re capable of. You feel the confidence and energy radiating through your body as you turn heads and the compliments roll in.
But even aside from public perception, when you look good, the decisions you make throughout the day reflect that. You start making smarter decisions and you start considering things you usually don’t. You’re more willing to put effort into other things since you put effort into you and it paid off. I don’t care if you’re getting dressed up to go sit in the living room, show out and take cute pics. Because next year, your’e going to want to reminisce when you’re in the place in life you always knew you could be.
This is YOUR life now. Not your moms, not your family, you have no obligations to anyone else’s happiness other than yourself. Your mental load is so tired. She is screaming to let her rest. To help alleviate some of that pressure and uncertainty. I have accomplished so much in my life, that I forget how proud of myself I should be. It was always for my mom or my grandma, being who I felt they wanted me to be. Doing my best to live up to their expectations and trying to be the daughter they would have been proud of. It nearly killed me.
It made me feel so unsure of who I was or what I wanted. I was never at the forefront of my own decisions and it left me feeling so confused as to who I was going to be down the line. I worried so much about what everyone around me wanted, that now at the ripe age of 31, I’ve drowned it all out. Anyone else’s expectations of me is none of my business. What is my business, is how far I have come and how many amazing things I have accomplished on my own. What is my business is how strong I have become in my own skin, and how I don’t need a designated day to celebrate myself, because we are constantly evolving, growing, and overcoming obstacle we never thought we could. My brain is one of the most amazing things about me and it has carried me so far. I will always celebrate that.
Let me know how you plan to celebrate yourself this month and if you try anything we talked about. Honestly, this felt like a mini therapy session for me so I hope you guys loved it too.
🥲 you’re the best, Julia. Thank you for this!